MORE THAN JUST ALL-STAR ATHLETES!

Recently, we had the privilege of attending a benefit dinner called, “Dancing with the All Stars” at Joe Louis Arena. The dinner was a fundraiser benefiting Jack’s Place for Autism, which was started by Jim and Lisa Price. Jim is the color commentator for the Detroit Tigers Radio Network. Their son, Jack, has autism. Jack’s place was started to help families affected by autism to provide resources, training and long-term plans for residential living. We heard many of the Detroit Tiger players were going to be attending the event, with some of them participating in the dance. Two weeks earlier we had been invited down onto the field at Comerica Park to meet with Ana Sanchez, wife of pitcher Anibel Sanchez, and Erica May, fiancé of pitcher Max Scherzer. My wife, Becky, shared with them how Jack’s Place had impacted our family, the dream Jim and Lisa Price have for Jack’s Place and how their dream gives us hope for our children when our time is done. I never know what to expect when I meet celebrities. On the one hand, they become celebrities by doing something many believe to be extraordinary. On the other hand, they are people who get up in the morning, go to work, sleep and eat like everybody else does. I typically do not like to approach celebrities. Too often they have swarms of people wanting to touch them, get an autograph or picture taken when they just want to go buy a couple groceries or get to where they are going. However, this day was different. They were here for a reason. This reason was very close to my heart. We first ran into outfielder Torii Hunter. Torii was very approachable by everyone. He is a natural with people. I introduced myself, Becky and my daughter, Hannah to him and thanked him for supporting autism. I shared how both our children have autism and how thankful we were for his support. He shared that his godson has autism and it is very close to his heart as well. When talking with Jim Price, he told us, “All the players are here because they want to be here. They did not get free tickets. They paid like everybody else.” There were many other players we had the privilege of meeting. I said to Prince Fielder, “Mr. Fielder, my name is Jon and this is my daughter Hannah. She has autism and so does my son. Thank you for supporting Jack’s Place!” Prince, a little quieter than Torii, smiled shook my hand and said, “Your welcome! It’s nice to meet you!” We sat at the table that included the parents of Shannon Hogan of Fox Sports Detroit. Upon meeting Shannon, she took an interest in Hannah. While talking, Mr. Hogan said, “Hannah, is there any Tiger you would like to meet?” A little stunned, she said, “Uhhhh…!” Becky rephrased the question by asking, “Hannah, who’s your Tiger?” She said, “Miguel Cabrera!” Shannon asked her if she would like to meet him. She said, “Yes! Can my dad come too?” Shannon escorted us to where the Tigers were dining. We first met Ramon Santiago. Ramon is a close friend of Detroit Tiger Chaplain, Jeff Totten, who is also one of the teaching pastors at our church. Because of this, I had an interest in meeting Ramon. Like Torii, who also knows Jeff Totten, he was very warm and kind-hearted. We thanked him for his support for Jack’s Place for Autism. Then we met Miguel Cabrera. Just like on TV, he had a glowing smile. He reached his hand out to shake mine and very willingly agreed to have his picture taken with Hannah. I thanked him for his support for Autism and Jack’s Place. The program was outstanding. The video they showed was tear-jerking. We heard testimonies of families sharing their concern for their children. There was a strong emphasis on what will happen to our children when we pass away. Who will care for them? Jim Price shared from his heart and had difficulty controlling his emotions while talking about his son, Jack. The dance competition was very entertaining. Torii Hunter was one of the emcees and his personality fit the role like a glove. After the competition, Hannah wanted to see Ana Sanchez and Erica May, who participated in the dance competition. Upon finding Erica, she yelled her name, ran up and embraced her. We chatted for a few minutes, until her fiancé, Max Scherzer approached us. Hannah said to Max, who is in the running for the American League Cy Young Award, “Are you Erica’s fiancé?” It made her day. We thanked both of them for their support for Jack’s Place. Hannah then found Ana. She asked if she remembered her. Ana said, “Of Course I remember you!” Then she turned to me and said, “Where are your son and your wife?” I explained that this would have been too much for Jacob and pointed out where Becky was. She introduced us to Anibel and explained to him that we were the family she had met a couple weeks ago. She immediately went to where Becky was and greeted her enthusiastically. At one point, just before we left, I saw Tiger General Manager, Dave Dombrowski. During the program, Jim Price made a point to mention that it took Dave only two days after moving to Detroit to be a supporter for Jack’s Place. I approached him, introduced myself, told him about my family and thanked him for his support. He said, “We really feel for your family! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” I reassured him it is an honor to have children with autism, but it does have challenges. I was a Detroit Tiger fan long before I attended the “Dancing with the All Stars” event. Afterward, I became a fan of the Tiger players, families and staff. They were more than just All Stars and Champions. They are people who care. I must rephrase this. They are a family who cares about all people. They understand that life is more about winning championships and becoming all-stars. They believe in making life better for families affected by autism. They are passionate for helping people with autism have opportunities they normally would not otherwise have. I would love to see the Tiger’s bring home their first World Series banner in almost 30 years. It would energize the city and bring excitement. Regardless of what happens this October, these Detroit Tigers are already champions in ways many will never know and in a way that goes beyond what anyone will ever understand! As the old saying goes from 1984, “Bless you Boys!”

He Was Like A Dad To Me!

In 1994, Becky and I had moved to Denver, Colorado. We lived in an apartment complex with other graduate school students. We were able to become pretty good freinds with some of our neighbors. One of our friends had graduated from the same college as Becky in Saint Paul, Minnesota. He was 6'10 and had played college basketball there. I had played against their college in a tournament in Hawaii, although he had not played on that team. I had heard many stories about his coach. I did not share them with him, because they were not very encouraging. The stories I heard was that his coach could recruit talent like no other. They would always do well, but could never win the big game. One day I asked my friend, "How did you like your coach?" I will never forget his response. I expected him to give a long story about how it was frustrating to never win "The Big One" and how it always felt like the seasons dragged on. His response was awesome! He said, "I know there were many people who felt like he could recruit talent but never win anything big. However, what I remember was the impact he made in my life. My father was absent for most of my life. My coach was like a dad to me!" It was in that moment that I felt ashamed. Why? Because I had been guilty of trading character in for success. I had believed winning was more important than building character. Yet, it was an important lesson I learned. There are so many more important things in life. Too often we value a coach by his wins and losses. Coaches like Tubby Smith at Minnesota and Ben Howland at UCLA were recently fired by their schools. They were able to get to the NCAA Tournament. But, the standard of those schools are championships over character building. I do not pay as much attention to the PAC 12 Conference, so I do not know as much about Ben Howland. I have met people who have interacted with Tubby Smith on the recruiting trail. They said he had an engaging personality. He had a Bible on his desk in his office. While coaching at Kentucky, a recruit had been shot and killed. While being interviewed, Tubby's eyes were filled with tears and he was beginning to choke up. It was not because he lost a recruit. It was because he felt bad for a young person who had his whole life ahead of him, only to be caught in the line of fire. Are there coaches who can win and have great character? Yes! However, there are only so many Tom Izzo's to go around. (You can tell which team I root for.) Even so, Tom Izzo has indicated many times that there will be a day when he will be asked to step down. I believe this shows the immaturity of our culture. We see this in our schools and at graduations, when our academically elite get the spotlight. We see this in the work force, people celebrating 60 hours of work as a strong work ethic and dedication when it should be looked at as workaholism and insecurity. I have also seen employers let go of good, honest and hard workers because they are "not a fit" for the company. I have lost contact with my friend. But, I will never forget his story. It has helped re-shape my thinking. I hope it helps others too.

TO CAUSE TO LEARN: How standardized tests are keeping students from learning

Recently, our family took a vacation to South Carolina. We visited Fort Sumter, where the first shots of the Civil War were fired upon, and Fort Moultrie, where the first shots of the civil war were first fired. We also visited downtown Charleston. We spent 3 days in downtown visiting the many historical districts and marveling over the history represented there. We walked through cemeteries that had tombstones that dated back to the 1700’s. We stood at the place where South Carolina officially became the first State to succeed the Union. We witnessed historical sites from both the Revolutionary and Civil Wars. On our way home, we took a detour and stopped by Murfreesboro, Tennessee, home of the Stones River National Battlefield. This place has such great significance for both me and my wife Becky because we both have ancestors who fought in that battle. As we walked through the Visitors Center and listened to one of the park rangers discuss the battle, we were able to learn more about what our ancestors experienced. This was a battle that was nearly dominated by the Confederates, to the point where General Bragg sent word to Confederate President Jefferson Davis that they had won the battle. However, General Rosecrans sent a message to Colonel William Sheridan to hold the Confederates just for one more day, then he would have the Canons lined up to fire. To make a long story short, as Sheridan’s men retreated, the Confederates, thinking they were conquering the Union soldiers, ran right into canon fire, which helped lead the Union to victory. President Abraham Lincoln told General Rosecrans it would have been difficulty to win the war without winning the Battle of Stones River. Why do I share this story? In such a short time, we learned so much. In only one week, we inhaled so much history, some new to us, some relearned and some re-living what we already knew but never had experienced. With the many adolescent clients I have had over the years, one of the most common problems I have encountered is the struggle to academically perform to a level acceptable, not for honors cords, rather for a diploma. With new laws passed by Government over the years, there has been a push to cram more information into the minds of our teenagers. The problem is, as Government continues to raise the standards, our students are not increasing their intelligence. One time I was meeting with a client, who had struggled in school and stated that he hated going to history class. I thought he had a problem with history. Yet, when I shared with him some information I had learned about history while on a trip to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he began to ask more questions. As we discussed, he took notes, without any prompting and asked if I could print off some pictures of the sites we talked about for a report he was going to do in class. It was then that I realized, this young man loves history. What he hates is the way it is taught. I would argue his teacher is likely to agree with us too. Why? With all the government regulations regarding standardized testing, teachers are required to teach to pass tests and exams rather than to learn. I was once at a seminar listening to a well-known professor talk about learning. He had done a word study to find out the original meaning for the word “teach” using the ancient Hebrew language. He found the word used for “teach” was the same word used for “learn”. The only difference in the use of their words was the context. For the word “teach”, it meant “to cause to learn” rather than just “learn”. Back in the ancient days of the Hebrews, there was no printing press. Therefore, they were required to memorize. They would memorize the 5 books of the Torah. However, they spent the rest of their time living out what they learned. They talked about it often. They kept memorials to help them remember. They rehearsed it everywhere they went. It was not just memorization, it was a lifestyle. They enjoyed it because they experienced it firsthand. The problem today is we have so many laws passed by government officials who went to Ivy League schools, or their equivalent, like Stanford, Northwestern, etc… Both President Bush’s went to Yale. Bill Clinton went to Georgetown for undergraduate and Yale for law school. JFK went to Princeton and Harvard. Barak Obama went to Harvard Law. These are the most primary influences on the direction our education in the United States. None of our Presidents should ever apologize for their higher education. Yet, we must take an honest look at the people who are creating our education laws and determining the level of difficulty of our standardized tests. The controversial “No Child Left Behind” bill was a bi-partisan creation by George W. Bush, a republican, and Senator Ted Kennedy, a democrat. Ted Kennedy is an alumnus of Harvard. Even here in the State of Michigan, there have been talks about dropping Algebra 2 and foreign language from graduate requirements for our high school students. The reason is the large number of students who do not understand Algebra 2 and only a few future engineers will need it in their careers. Foreign language has also become a road block for those who struggle to learn and memorize new words and sentence structures. This prohibits some from graduating and causing much anxiety for others. The chairman of the board of education, John Austin, a democrat, is against it. Where did he get his education? Harvard’s Kennedy Graduate School of Business. Personally, our schools should require our students to learn a foreign language. However, it should be provided in elementary school. That is what they have done in Europe and we are hard pressed to find a person in Europe who is not bi-lingual. Childhood development has taught us our minds are more susceptible to learn new languages during the early years of development, not adolescents. The problem is we have people with Ivy League educations making decisions based on their experience. As I said, they do not need to apologize for their higher education at prestigious schools. However, they have failed in believing that every young student is cut from the same mold as them and learns exactly the same as they do. It reminds me of the cartoon with a number of animals being tested by an owl, including an elephant, bird, giraffe, grizzly bear, turtle and a fish swimming in a pond. The owl says to them, “You only need to complete one exercise to pass the test. However, if you do not accomplish this, you will fail and not live a productive life. To pass the test, you all need to climb to the top of the tree.” Point being, we all learn different. God did not create us the same, for which I am glad. Today, there is too much anxiety for students. I have seen this in my office from those who struggle to pass difficult courses such as Algebra 2, to those who are overwhelmed by the outrageous amount of homework required to complete, and even to those who are intelligent, but struggle in their perfectionism to live up to higher standards that sucks the life out of them causing them to miss out on their childhood. I have heard all the arguments. My favorite one is how we do not want to “dumb down” the curriculum. Yet, as mentioned earlier, the increase of homework is not resulting in increased intelligence. “Our government is trying to help us keep up with foreign countries who are way ahead of us.” Again, the higher standards and increased homework is not the answer. Yet, on the flip side, there are many young students who are not able to graduate today who would have had the chance 25 years ago. And, there are many people who graduated from high school 20 years ago who would not today. Why? Because government officials from Ivy League schools have determined we all need to be like them. The only people I have met who like “No Child Left Behind” and the higher standards, and the only people who are adamant that Algebra 2 should remain on the diploma tract are people who were high achievers themselves and graduated with honors, or they have children who are high achievers and will graduate with honors. The reason I made this statement is not to put down the “high achievers”. Rather, it is that they may consider sitting in the desk of the person who is struggling to make the grade and is fearful of wondering if they will ever graduate, go to college and have a “real job”. Not everyone is cut out to be President of the United States. Oh, speaking of U.S. Presidents. There were two who did not go to college. Their names were George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Oh, and…I forgot to mention something. Abraham Lincoln was uneducated. Resources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Kennedy#Early_life.2C_education.2C_and_military_service http://www.mlive.com/education/index.ssf/2013/04/michigan_high_school_graduatio_1.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Presidents_of_the_United_States_by_education http://alfiekohn.com/stdtest.htm http://www.alfiekohn.org/standards/strategies.htm Seven Laws of the Learner, by Bruce Wilkerson (Hebrew meaning of the word “teach”)

MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE TEENAGERS A BREAK!

Social Networking can often bring a number of personal views to the surface. I have found it is easy for us to flex our opinionated muscles behind the keyboard of our computer devices. Lately, I have noticed many comments on social networking sites, predominately Facebook, taking stabs at teenagers today. Some have made bold statements suggesting “when I was a teenager, I would have never gotten away with this or that”. It reminded me of a time when I was teaching a parent education class for one of my employers. Prior to class starting, I heard many of my parents complaining about teenagers. One said, “Teenagers expect to get everything handed to them on a silver platter.” Another said, “Teenagers are so entitled. It was never that way for me.” I let them talk for about five minutes and patiently waited. When they finished talking I spoke of a time when I picked my daughter up from her middle school. There were two lanes for pick up, both with traffic going in the same direction. The right lane was the line designated for picking up our children. The left lane was for us to drive in after our children had safely entered our car so we could leave. During the many times I picked our children up from school, a hurried parent would always be driving in the left lane to cut in front of the other parents to pick up their children. Why? It seems obvious they were in more of a hurry than anyone else. Am I right? Or, is it possible they felt they were entitled? After sharing this story, the room was quiet. I do not believe it was an awkward silence. I had a good relationship with this group. It seemed more of a thought processing silence. Then I asked them the question, “If teenagers are really entitled, where do you believe they learned it from?” They all nodded their heads and said, “Us!” Please understand when I have a teenager in my office who presents an attitude of entitlement, I do not allow them to blame their parents. Blaming does not help anyone or anything. I help them process through their thoughts, emotions, patterns and behaviors before helping them to take responsibility for their own choices and actions. However, they are a product of us. Truthfully, some of my favorite people are teenagers. They are often the most authentic and compassionate people I know. Go to any church and make an announcement that you need some work done or provide the opportunity to serve someone in need. Who would likely be the first to respond? My guess would be teenagers. So, if we really believe teenagers are entitled, how about we find one or two to mentor and help along? What about going to the local school and suggesting we participate in a tutoring program? I believe this would help more than flexing our “social networking muscles” via posting critical statements of a generation that needs guidance and love, like all of us do.