I remember when my children were in their toddler years. They both have special needs and helping them learn appropriate behavior and social skills was more of a challenge than it is for “neuro-typical” children. One day we decided to take them to the local McDonald’s, which happened to have a nice indoor play area. We figured it would be a nice break for us. Our kids could play while we ate our burger and fries.
It did not take long for our kids to feel comfortable in the McDonald’s. Our son walked up to a family whom had just begun eating their lunch and grabbed a handful of fries from them. Fortunately, it was a kindhearted teenage girl who found him to be so cute and entertaining that she did offered him more fries. Our daughter, on the other hand, began yelling, screaming and running around the place. Within a few minutes, she performed her state of the art “McDonald’s Meltdown” with great energy and volume. She climbed into the play structure and refused to come out upon learning she was in trouble. As I was desperately attempting to get my daughter out of the play area, I could hear the voice of a parent saying, “If that were my kid...” It took everything in me not to say in return, “Take her! We’ll see who comes out alive.”
I remember walking to the car with my daughter in my arms, kicking and screaming, feeling embarrassed and upset, wanting to go back in and yell at the parents who were critical of our parenting. For years, the only places we would take our children out for meals were fast food restaurants. Then one day I said to my wife, “Let’s go out for lunch at the Old Village Café.” My wife said, “Why?” I said, “Because they have to learn to sit still for dinner. If we keep avoiding the opportunity for them to learn how to sit still, they will never know what to do. To our surprise, our kids learned quickly how to sit still for a meal in a restaurant.
Often as parents, we allow ourselves to get embarrassed when our children act out in public. It is easy to worry about the evaluation others put on us, when in truth, to say it nicely, we need to get over ourselves and do what is in the best interests of our children. That does not mean we do not have a consequence in place for when their behavior is subpar. However, it does mean we persist and help them by causing them to learn the appropriate behavior skills in the public setting. Life certainly is a journey isn’t it?
You've made a good point, Jon. I was very willing to take my calm daughter everywhere. But, when my active son arrived - all of sudden my family members wished we wouldn't come with them. It has been a long road of everyone in the family learning it isn't always what the parents are doing, sometimes it's the way a babe is made.
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