He Was Like A Dad To Me!

In 1994, Becky and I had moved to Denver, Colorado. We lived in an apartment complex with other graduate school students. We were able to become pretty good freinds with some of our neighbors. One of our friends had graduated from the same college as Becky in Saint Paul, Minnesota. He was 6'10 and had played college basketball there. I had played against their college in a tournament in Hawaii, although he had not played on that team. I had heard many stories about his coach. I did not share them with him, because they were not very encouraging. The stories I heard was that his coach could recruit talent like no other. They would always do well, but could never win the big game. One day I asked my friend, "How did you like your coach?" I will never forget his response. I expected him to give a long story about how it was frustrating to never win "The Big One" and how it always felt like the seasons dragged on. His response was awesome! He said, "I know there were many people who felt like he could recruit talent but never win anything big. However, what I remember was the impact he made in my life. My father was absent for most of my life. My coach was like a dad to me!" It was in that moment that I felt ashamed. Why? Because I had been guilty of trading character in for success. I had believed winning was more important than building character. Yet, it was an important lesson I learned. There are so many more important things in life. Too often we value a coach by his wins and losses. Coaches like Tubby Smith at Minnesota and Ben Howland at UCLA were recently fired by their schools. They were able to get to the NCAA Tournament. But, the standard of those schools are championships over character building. I do not pay as much attention to the PAC 12 Conference, so I do not know as much about Ben Howland. I have met people who have interacted with Tubby Smith on the recruiting trail. They said he had an engaging personality. He had a Bible on his desk in his office. While coaching at Kentucky, a recruit had been shot and killed. While being interviewed, Tubby's eyes were filled with tears and he was beginning to choke up. It was not because he lost a recruit. It was because he felt bad for a young person who had his whole life ahead of him, only to be caught in the line of fire. Are there coaches who can win and have great character? Yes! However, there are only so many Tom Izzo's to go around. (You can tell which team I root for.) Even so, Tom Izzo has indicated many times that there will be a day when he will be asked to step down. I believe this shows the immaturity of our culture. We see this in our schools and at graduations, when our academically elite get the spotlight. We see this in the work force, people celebrating 60 hours of work as a strong work ethic and dedication when it should be looked at as workaholism and insecurity. I have also seen employers let go of good, honest and hard workers because they are "not a fit" for the company. I have lost contact with my friend. But, I will never forget his story. It has helped re-shape my thinking. I hope it helps others too.